Flawed. Have you ever spoken that word over yourself? I know I have. Even before my diagnosis in 2003, I knew there was a part of me that wasn’t quite like everyone else. I was different both in my thoughts and actions. Most people thought that I was super organized and had so much energy to get things accomplished and could function with little sleep. “Wow! I wish I had that much energy” they would say. Little did I know, this was mania. Or, on the flip side, feeling so low that I couldn’t get out of bed in the morning let alone face getting four kids up and out the door for school each day. Times were tough, but I never thought that I had a mental illness. I just thought I was a Mom with too much to do.
But then, in 2003, it all came crashing down and I was forced to seek medical help. The diagnosis of Bipolar Disorder completely rocked my world. In that moment, I became less than, I became flawed. This descriptor became my mantel. I told myself several times each day that I would never be ok. That having a mental illness put me into a different category than all my friends and family. They were ok, but I was flawed.
I identified as flawed for years. I would always tell myself that I cannot do anything because my illness dictates what is possible and what is not. To a degree this is true, but not to the levels I took it. When people would ask me how I was doing, I would respond by saying I was flawed but getting through it. Or I would make a remark about how my Bipolar brain was calling all the shots now. That was until I started searching scripture about being flawed and loving myself.
I learned that we are all flawed in some way. No one is perfect except Jesus. But Psalm 139: 13-14 spoke volumes to me…
For you formed my inward parts: You knitted me together in my Mother’s womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well.
We are not flawed. We are fearfully and wonderfully made. That is how God sees us. Our lens which we look through to identify and label ourselves is not clear. It has been muddied with all our negative self-talk and opinions of others. We need to re-evaluate how we see ourselves according to the Word of God. We all have things that we live with that we wish we didn’t, but God never gives us something that He doesn’t also gives us grace to live out.
We see ourselves as flawed because of our illnesses but God sees us as beautiful. We need to start changing our perceptions of ourselves in light of God’s Word. He has the last say about who we are. We are to believe Him for He has all wisdom. And through the blood of Jesus, we are made righteous.
Take time today to rewrite your opinion of yourself into an affirmation that is both loving and true. God does not see you as flawed and neither should you.