I was having my prayer time with God the other day and I was talking to Him as I always do, and I brought up the fact that I am a bit judgmental. I asked for forgiveness for that flaw and the Lord clearly impressed upon me this thought…
“the persons we judge most harshly are the people we need to pray for most fiercely and that person may be ourselves”.
Wow. I had to sit and think about that for a few minutes. I do judge myself harshly and I do not pray for myself all that much. I am in intercessor and I pray for those whom God places on my heart. I pray all the time. I pray in the grocery store, in the car, in my kitchen, in my prayer room, basically everywhere. But the subject of my prayer is rarely myself.
This thought niggled at me all day. Why do I judge myself so harshly? One reason… I feel like a bit of a failure because I am unable to do simple things that others take for granted because of my illness. I cannot work, I cannot handle a lot of stress, whether good or bad, I do not react well to time changes so that means I cannot travel. There are many things that I just cannot do, and I judge myself based on these things, on the “cannot’s”. Do you do the same thing? I am sure you do. We all do. And I found that people who do not have a mental illness judge themselves on the cannot’s of life as well. So, what does God ask us to do? Pray.
We need to be praying for ourselves. We need to be praying for self-acceptance. For the ability to stop looking at the “cannot’s” in our lives and focus on the “cans”. We are able to do more than we give ourselves credit for. We are special in the eyes of the Lord. We are not “less than” to Jesus. So why do we beat ourselves up? I think part of it is the stigma associated with mental illness. In society, we are already judged, regardless of who we are, but because of our illness. Society says that we are not acceptable as we are. That somehow, we should change.
We listen to these false truths, which are nothing more than lies of the enemy, and we judge. I think it is high time we start praying. We need to call down the authority of God into our lives to dispatch the enemy from our minds. Prayer is powerful! Prayer changes things! We need to be praying for ourselves and to stop judging ourselves so harshly. We are perfect in eyes.
We need to see ourselves as he sees us…beautiful, treasured, sacred, His.