Have you ever felt that you cannot trust God with your illnesses? I have. When I was first diagnosed, I would question God as to why I had been the unlucky one to have Bipolar Disorder. I felt it wasn’t fair and that if God allowed me to have this, clearly, He could not be trusted. I think we all think something along these lines at one point or another. How could I trust a God who would allow such a thing to darken my life and the lives of those I loved? I felt fatalistic, as if I was never going to get better and the pain that I felt would never go away. I felt betrayed. Why God why? Was I ever going to be well enough to return to my normal life?
I was asking this question to everyone but God. I would cry to my husband about how unfair having this illness was and how it ruined my life and at the time, I truly believed this. I couldn’t see past the pain. Everyone started treating me different. All those who knew we well, knew that our relationships were going to change. I even lost friends when they found out I had a mental illness. It wasn’t until much later that I decided to have a sit down with God and hash all this out.
I got on my knees and I got very raw with God. I yelled and I cried, and I told God just how I felt about Him allowing this illness into my life. I told Him how everyone looked at me differently. How I could no longer work and how dreams I had for my future were now dashed into pieces. I told Him how my family was affected. How my kids were struggling to understand, how I was struggling to understand. Once I stopped telling God about my victimization, He began talking to me. I sensed in my spirit that God entrusted this illness to me because He could bring good out of it. I knew He was going to use my illness to bring me closer to Him than I had ever been, and He was going to use my experiences to help others facing the same struggle.
Fast forward several years, many tears and much suffering and healing and we have today. Now I am in, what I call, remission. God has been faithful to bring me into a place of wholeness so that I can now help others. That is why “Faithful in the Midst Ministries” exists. To help those who suffer from mental illness to find their way to God and to seek His healing touch on their lives. I hope, that as I blog, you feel free to send me an email and let me know how I can pray for you and help you find God in the midst of your suffering. I am here for you.