Do we feel it is difficult to enter into the presence of God? Are we to distracted with our illnesses to remember God is waiting to meet with us? Can we calm our lives enough to settle at His feet as did Mary? These are questions I grapple with quite a bit. I know each day I wake up and feel balanced and peaceful is a gift from God. I do not take these days for granted and I am grateful for each day.
God is always good. He wants to give us peace and joy. I know I sometimes get turned around in my thinking and become fatalistic in the sense that things are never going to look up for me. When my depression is so deep and dark that I feel there is no silver lining, I forget that God is in control and things will get better. Then, like a light switch, the mania comes and brings a whole new set of problems. Mania brings feelings of irritability, pressured speech, spending sprees and the feelings of invincibility. Again, a feeling of hopelessness that only my faith in God can alleviate.
When I spend time with God, both in and out of the throes of an episode, I find myself being grateful for His love and His stability. He is always the same. He never falters or leaves me. He never takes a day off and He certainly doesn’t think less of me because I am struggling. I can depend on His love always.
But sometimes, I take God for granted. I don’t spend enough time with Him. I know He is waiting and I do other things. Some days I don’t feel like praying or studying and it is these times that I need to spend time with God. I should be singing and shouting and speaking words of praise as I enter His presence. Spending time with God should be my top priority when I am feeling good and when I am feeling poorly. I need to make God my priority always. I am still learning this principal and I spend so much more time with Him than I used to. I know He is my source of strength and my hope and in Him I can rest. I need to become more God-aware and less self-aware. I wonder if you struggle with this as well?