Have you ever found yourself in the midst of your mess and have no idea how to get through it, over it or around it? I have. I have spent so much time trying to fix things on my own, only to have it come back and hit me in the face. There was a time in my life that I did not walk with the Lord. I was ill with Bipolar Disorder and the mess I was in was huge. I made poor decisions based on manic thinking and then once I would crash, I would then get depressed because of the outcomes of the decisions I had made. It was an unending cycle.
If you know how mental illnesses affects everyday life, then you have, more than likely, suffered this same fate. I thought that this was how my life was going to go forever, because at that time, I was undiagnosed and trying to manage life on my own. It has been said that we cannot reach out to God if we do not know we need Him. Well, that was me. I felt so capable of running my life and taking care of my children and my husband that the thought of needing help was ludicrous. I could do it, I was of sound mind…Not.
My manias were the driving force of my illness most of the time. That is still true. I suffer more from mania than depression. You may suffer from depression or anxiety or some other illness that affects your normal decision-making process and you may feel, like me, that you have everything covered, and all is well and then the floor drops out. What do you do then? I found that the only thing I had not tried was to call upon God. That should have been my first plan of action, not the last, but I really thought I had a handle on things. I did not. So I re-dedicated my life to the Lord and began a journey of healing and restoration.
I found a Bible verse that really spoke and still speaks profoundly to my life. My illness still rages at times and my manias are a source of amusement to my family (my kids love manic mom because I give them a lot of material to work with when they want to tease me or poke fun, in a loving way, that I I’m off again on another project or spending spree). The verse is found in Psalm 9:9-10 and it reads from the Amplified…
“The Lord will be a refuge and a stronghold for the oppressed. A refuge in times of trouble. And those who know Your name [who have experienced Your precious mercy] will put their confident trust in You. For you, O Lord, have not abandoned those who seek you”.
Wow. The Lord has not abandoned those who seek Him. He is a refuge. I love that. It speaks directly to my situation and it speaks directly to yours, whatever that may be. God makes it so easy to find hope and healing. Merely seeking Him. We do this everyday we live for Him. If you spend time in prayer, you are seeking, time in Bible reading… seeking, time singing worship songs… yep, seeking. Anytime you devote to God, you are seeking. You may not even know it, but He does, and He blesses by being our refuge. You are never alone if Jesus is your Messiah. And those less than stellar decisions you may have made, are forgiven if you have asked for them to be.
Since I began seeking God and His presence and wisdom, I make far better decisions than I used to. There are times when I must defer the decision making to my husband because I know I am not in the right state of mind to decide anything. But it is because of the leading of the Holy Spirit that I can now recognize that. I no longer depend on my own wisdom, I depend on God. I know this will work for you too. Try it. You will find seeking God to be the best decision you have ever made.