Faithful in the Midst

Faith in The Midst of Struggle

April 3, 2018
Tonya King

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Scars

When you suffer with a mental illness, you are going to have rough times. Some days will feel impossible to get through others you will just go back to bed and forget about even trying. Tough times are always just around the corner.  I am not saying that you will not have good days, you will, and you will be grateful for them.  But dark days seem to be more prevalent and take more energy to navigate. I suffer with dark days a lot.  They turn me inward and I feel betrayed by my own mind, but then things turn, and I have a few good days in a row and I am thankful. But those dark days leave scars, deep scars.  Those scars are evident both physically and mentally. They are a constant reminder that I have an illness that takes over my life.  I am no longer able to work outside the home, that’s a scar. I have difficulty relating to people sometimes, that’s a scar. I have hurt the ones I love the most in ways I don’t even know, another scar.  I cannot get out of bed sometimes, yet another scar.  These scars are visible.  Everyone can see them.  Then there are the mental scars… the memory loss, the medication side effects, the weight gain, the inability to cope with even the smallest changes (like time changes).  All of these are scars and I see them as ugly reminders of my failures and challenges.

As I was going to sleep the other night, I was thinking about these scars and how they have shaped my life and I heard Jesus whisper “your scars are beautiful because my scars are beautiful”.  It was what I needed to hear.  We look at Jesus’s scars as a reminder of His sacrifice for us.  They are physical reminders that we are now sealed, and our names are written in the Lamb’s Book of Life!  They are reminders that our eternity will be spent with the love of our lives, Jesus.  We can know fully that the scars we bear are just as beautiful because they represent who God has made us to be.  Everyone is flawed, everyone deals with something that leaves scars. Our illness is just a little darker and a bit more out of control sometimes but still, everyone’s scars are real, and they mean different things to different people.  I no longer look at my scars as ugly.  I look at them as battle medals.  I have rose above the challenge that the scar represents and came out victorious because I allowed Jesus’s scars to redeem me.  I do not fight alone.  I fight alongside Jesus and I will continue to fight.  I will continue to have scars and to have new scars form, but they are beautiful because Jesus’ scars are beautiful.

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