Encouragement, Mental Health

I am free

There is a song by Casting Crowns called “Set Me Free”. It is a song that speaks to my heart in a powerful way.  It is a song that God put into my life at a time when my world was so dark I didn’t know if I would ever see light again.  My depression was so deep, and I felt so detached from the world around me. I was going through the motions of life but not really engaging in anything.  I felt dead inside.  I continued to pray and do my devotional, but it seemed dry.  As if it were written for someone else. Someone more deserving, less messed up.  I eventually stopped praying altogether and merely would sit and cry and ask why.  Why was I going through this horribleness?  Then my husband brought home the latest CD by Casting Crowns and I listened to it hoping that music would give my soul a lift.  Then I heard it.  The song that described my life and what I was going through. It spoke of darkness and hearing voices; being wrapped in chains and living among the dead; crying in the rain and being alone with my demons.  Every word of that song identified with what was going on in my life at that time.  The culmination of the song is the setting free of this person by Jesus.  “And as the god man passes by, He looks straight through my eyes, and darkness cannot hide. Do you want to be free?” These are the lyrics that froze me.  God was asking me if I really wanted to be free.  Well, of course I did, I just didn’t know how to get free.  After hearing the song, I went into my room and I prayed.  I asked God to set me free and Psalm 91: 14-15 came to mind.  It says

Out of my distress I called on the Lord; the Lord answered me and set me free”

I couldn’t believe there was a verse that spoke to exactly what I needed.  I was a young Christian then and hadn’t studied the Bible much at that time.  Of course, now I know there is a verse in the Bible for almost every need.  This verse meant so much to me, so I began praying it every day and listening to that song everyday and an amazing thing happened. I began to get better.  The darkness was not so dark, and my mind was clearing.  Hope and joy were returning, and I was able to begin enjoying life again.  This verse and that song were God’s promise to me that He is bigger than my illness.  I didn’t realize, at that time, that I was not believing God for my healing.  I was doubting that He would do that for me thinking this was my affliction and I was to carry it just as Paul suffered.  I didn’t realize that through my weakness, I am strong because the Lord carries me.

It has been quite a while since that song came out and I suffered through that time.  God has been faithful to carry me in my darkness and calm me in my mania. I turn to God first  during my struggle and I often still struggle. I am still believing God for a complete and total healing and as I am waiting, I wait with hope.  When this hope begins to wane, I pull up that song “Set Me Free” and I listen to it and remember that God has set me free.  I may not be symptom free and I may suffer with this illness my whole life, but I am free.  Free from the chains of the enemy.  I am free from the despair, free from the being the victim of my illness, free from feeling like there is no hope and that I am alone.  I have the assurance that my God is working everything for my good and that He Loves me so much. I can rest in this love and live my life… free.

If you are interested in hearing the song, click here:  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s_WNDIybIXs

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s